#152211

When you feel the deepest humbleness. When someone is asking about something that you don’t feel like to talk about.You just want to avoid everyone at those  time. I don’t know somehow now I've been developing a phobia being in crowd. I don’t have any idea why. I just afraid to face people, talk to them, being ask about my whereabouts.  Whenever being with peoples, I feel the nervousness and my words sound scattered not clearly uttered. I lost my confidence to utter the words. My mouth freezes. Maybe because of the humbleness ? Being in my situations and story, I don’t know whether people will understand me. But I some what don’t need their attention to understand me. When being out there, I feel like I'm being  judged as a unfortunate person. I feel people sympathize me whenever I told my story to them. This is the reason why I tend to lie when people ask about myself. I am not always please with the sympathy that they give me. I wish people would stop showing their sympathy to me. Instead of that, I wish they would not comment anything about me. Just leave me struggling to pick the pieces of me that was scattered  to move forward. Stop sympathizing me instead I wish they pray for God so that He give some strength to face all of those thing that happen in my life. Because when you being in the "down" part of you life, you will feel the worst feeling ever. I found it was so hard to accept the reality. The truth hurts me. I don’t know la but maybe it is just my perception to them. My paranoid thinking about them. Because my head sometime filled with those bad thinking. Then, my mind full uncertainties. I am not sure whether I will manage to stand up again. My spirit and motivation just fragile, easy to break whenever I feel like I cant do this anymore. 

But I somehow trying the very hard to keep awake and standstill on my feet although I know it is not easy.