You know it is hard to be a person with low confidence level. I would rather doubt with everything that comes out from my mouth. Especially when I'm talking about myself. "I am a bla bla person. And I dont like bla bla bla and I also love to bla bla ". Then later I would regret what I spoke earlier. Cakap and bebel sorang-sorang, "asal doh aku cakap macam tu", "Kenapa aku cakap camtu tadi", "What the hell of ayat aku bagi tadi". Salah susun ayat lah, guna perkataan tak betul lah, sampaikan kadang-kadang aku rewind flashback balik apa yang aku cakap tu dan cringed and goosebump all over my body. Selalu tanya diri sendir why I'm being like this. Low self-esteem? or being an introvert, open up myself and talk about myself (brag or talk bad) are not the preferable one. I dont like to expose myself to others. But sometimes I had this feeling to share things about me like, "hey, dulu I was bla bla bla", "I like to bla bla" you know, like talking about yourself to your friend. Ironically, bila dah buat then being insecure balik. Asal doh dengan aku ni? Penyakit apa tah.
Same goes when replying messages either on SNS or Whatsapp. I would retyping over and over again before click on send button. Too insecure when constructing the sentences lol. I dont know what causing this thing but this is one of my complex as human being. Yaaa as I said, maybe it caused by my low self esteem or maybe I just not good with words. I guess as I rarely socialize, talking to people and I fail to communicate well. I dont know if it only me. Or everyone in this world is experiencing the same thing?? Then I'm saved kahkah. And me voicing out this thing here also make me look like an immature girl right now huh. Or is this because I'm a girl? Are those girl out there had this kind of thing too?? Are they?? Nahh I think it is just me. Maybe my life fated to be hambar like this *nangis tepi bucu katil*
I would say that I'm usually not good with words. Expressing myself is too mainstream thus I choose to just follow the flow. I admit that I have that hati kering which I dont easily moved or emotionally triggered. Orang kata takdak perasaan and lack of common senses kah. I know that this is not a good thing to be practised but it is in me for 21 years already and I'm seriously trying very hard to fix it. Old habit die hard. To those points where I just googled, "how to have confident in myself", "how to speak well". Penatlah jadi seorang amni, konflik dalaman tak sudah haih
And I will have too much regret after publishing this post lol
But at least taklah serabut dalam kepala *but this is not cool meh*
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Monday, November 28, 2016
Assalamualaikum and Hi all...
Last September, we were having a lab session on tissue culture subject. We were required to do a seed-surface sterilization and in vitro culture of chilli seed where you had to establish an aseptic condition in laminar air flow, a place that looks like a cabinet or closet where you have to sterilize all the equipment to be used inside it even your hand that will be going to work in it ! And you have to sterilize all those things with alcohol such as ethanol. Swab the all those flask and beakers anddd your hand with the ethanol. Oh aseptic condition is a microorganisms-free environment means all those foreign things like bacteria fungi cannot infect the tissue culture work. Yeah I remember all those definitions of the tissue culture's terms! You know, we have to memorize and understand the terms (mostly new to me) that being used in tissue culture world and dua kali ditanya soalan definition of "habituation", dua kali jugak aku salah duhhh. This is an example when man (read:amni) didnt learn from mistake uhh.
We have to be extra extra careful when working inside the laminar air flow cabinet. Make sure that you sterilize well, dont speak while work under the cabinet, seriously DO NOT SPEAK because you know your mouth contains lots of undesired microbes haha. If you take out your hand from the laminar air flow, you have to swab them back with ethanol bila nak masuk dalam tu balik. It needs lots lots lots of patience mann. If dont do it properly, the culture will be contaminated. And I had been given chance to do the culture of chilli seed andnn guess what? Both jar that I did were contaminated faceplam WHATTTT. I dont know what are the causes but Dr said it is normal since it was my first time doing the tissue culture lab. But duhhh why Amni why ?? I messep up my group's lab result lol. Dr said it is normal to fail since that was my first doing this tissue culture lab.
When you are having extra creative group member, cara diorang menganjing aku buat lab tissue culture pastu contaminated, letak picture of my contaminated culture as whatsapp's group icon. Aku perati je korang ni heh