Sunday, April 5, 2015
Aku kalah dengan dunia. Aku kalah untuk fight back high expectation orang lain terhadap aku. Aku gagal to kuatkan diri aku untuk ignore that expectation. I was not wise enough to handle that high expectation. I failed to look on their faces and say,"I am sorry that I cannot meet your expectation because I am also a normal human being". And now, I fell. I fell down to the extent that my future on the verge. I, maybe have to give up my dream. I fell down to the extent I hurt so much from it. I fell down to the extent that I claim that world is being cruel to me. Everything that I want, didnt go to the right way that I want. I questioned. I wailed. I cried out loud. I'm not in my right mind.
And what left for me? Just me. Myself. Nothing other than me. No one know my failed fight. No one know my defeat. No one know my suffering. I am crying inside of me. Crying. Crying. Crying every second when I am reminded of my failure. Too many questions that are made in my mind. Made by myself. Question me why those thing happen to me. Eventually, I'm end up with dead end.
And now I'm searching for something to stand on my feet after the fall. Searching something that can lend me a hope. A hope that can take my hand and stand. A hope that will say, everything has the reason to happen. I'm searching for something that can wake me up. I'm searching for the answers to my questions. Come to me. Help me.
And I pray that one day, I will found it. And I know I have to believe on it. I know it can help me. I know it have those answers. I know. I know that I can wake up with it. I know I can pick up my mess through it. I know. and I believe on it.
And just one thing that I want from you. Just pray for me. Pray for me so that it will well for me. For that, I thank you.
p/s: nothing need to be assumed from it. just self-thinking bila blank tak dapat buat tuto math. chill la bro.