2014

Assalamualaikum and Hi.

There were many things that I regretted in 2014. My choices and my decisions on certain things seem to be not the one that I supposed to do. I struggled, I wronged, I fell, I confused, I fail.

The worst feeling I ever faced. Rasanya sampai sekarang tak leh nak move on lagi. Sometimes, things just dont walk through the way you want. And yeah, without proper planning and thinking, memang akan crashed lah bila kena hempap dengan realiti.

I just masuk sem baru and just got the chance to open up my blog, do a little blogwalking. Since duduk kat rumah dalam 3 bulan lepas, memang rasa macam nak quit blogging je haha. Sebab rumah takde  internet connection yang cun. And baru sedar a lot of things that I read hit me on head, hardly. It was like, "Apa ni?! Semua entry yang aku baca dalam semua blog ni buat aku sentap je". And I was realised that nothing is perfect in this world. My self esteem seem to be on the lowest level. Aku asyik fikir yang orang lain lebih baik dari aku. Semua orang lebih bagus dari aku. And at last, memang jatuh gedebuk. Aku gagal. Aku gagal untuk buat semua benda dengan baik.

And baru je tadi terbukak blog DenaBahrin, terbaca her latest entry, it was on 2013 though, this (pernah baca entry ni tapi tak ingat). And and and tadi baru je kawan ada share cerita benar relate on that topic. and I was like, "Ya Allah, feel sangat benda tu, tertusuk kat hati you, sentap sangat". Aku baru gagal sekali, dah meroyan, dah rasa macam tak nak hidup, dah rasa macam fed up dengan semua benda. Aku tak yakin dengan kerja Allah.

I felt its hard when you want wake up, make up for your mess. Yeah, it was the real hard. Even Im fighting hard right now, especially my heart. Susah nak bangun, hati ni kejap je semangat, then down balik.

Realiti tetap realiti. Whatever the reality is, I had to face it. kadang-kadang rasa, should I give up on this dream and make a new one? Since it was not going so well.

Hmm rasa macam dah lari tajuk. Oh well, that was my sum up of 2014, I guess. Welcoming the 2015 with more grateful feeling. A haa lapuklah baru buat entry new year.

Just a piece of my deep down to heart feeling eherher