Kalah.

Kalah.

Aku kalah dengan dunia. Aku kalah untuk fight back high expectation orang lain terhadap aku. Aku gagal to kuatkan diri aku untuk ignore that expectation. I was not wise enough to handle that high expectation. I failed to look on their faces and say,"I am sorry that I cannot meet your expectation because I am also a normal human being". And now, I fell. I fell down to the extent that my future on the verge. I, maybe have to give up my dream. I fell down to the extent I hurt so much from it. I fell down to the extent that I claim that world is being cruel to me. Everything that I want, didnt go to the right way that I want. I questioned. I wailed. I cried out loud. I'm not in my right mind.

And what left for me? Just me. Myself. Nothing other than me. No one know my failed fight. No one know my defeat. No one know my suffering. I am crying inside of me. Crying. Crying. Crying every second when I am reminded of my failure. Too many questions that are made in my mind. Made by myself. Question me why those thing happen to me. Eventually, I'm end up with dead end.

And now I'm searching for something to stand on my feet after the fall. Searching something that can lend me a hope. A hope that can take my hand and stand. A hope that will say, everything has the reason to happen. I'm searching for something that can wake me up. I'm searching for the answers to my questions. Come to me. Help me.

And I pray that one day, I will found it. And I know I have to believe on it. I know it can help me. I know it have those answers. I know. I know that I can wake up with it. I know I can pick up my mess through it. I know. and I believe on it.

And just one thing that I want from you. Just pray for me. Pray for me so that it will well for me. For that, I thank you.


...................

p/s: nothing need to be assumed from it. just self-thinking bila blank tak dapat buat tuto math. chill la bro.

Humanity.

Assalamualaikum and holla guys and girls

Just wanna share you this story. Last night, I was in IIUM Kuantan attending the Closing Ceremony of Palestine Week. And there was a wonderful recitation from a sister (I forgot her name). She recite a poem that was written by a Canadian-Palestinian journalist, Rafeef Ziadah. Subhanallah, that was a much inspiring poem. And I was like, nanti balik kena cari yang original punya. Then, I found it and I really want to share with you guys. Enjoy and Feel it. Smile.

"Today, my body was a TV’d massacre.

Today, my body was a TV’d massacre that had to fit into sound-bites and word limits.

Today, my body was a TV’d massacre that had to fit into sound-bites and word limits filled enough with statistics to counter measured response.

And I perfected my English and I learned my UN resolutions.

But still, he asked me, Ms. Ziadah, don’t you think that everything would be resolved if you would just stop teaching so much hatred to your children?

Pause.

I look inside of me for strength to be patient but patience is not at the tip of my tongue as the bombs drop over Gaza.

Patience has just escaped me.

Pause. Smile.

We teach life, sir.

Rafeef, remember to smile.

Pause.

We teach life, sir.

We Palestinians teach life after they have occupied the last sky.

We teach life after they have built their settlements and apartheid walls, after the last skies.

We teach life, sir.

But today, my body was a TV’d massacre made to fit into sound-bites and word limits.

And just give us a story, a human story.

You see, this is not political.

We just want to tell people about you and your people so give us a human story.

Don’t mention that word “apartheid” and “occupation”.

This is not political.

You have to help me as a journalist to help you tell your story which is not a political story.

Today, my body was a TV’d massacre.

How about you give us a story of a woman in Gaza who needs medication?

How about you?

Do you have enough bone-broken limbs to cover the sun?

Hand me over your dead and give me the list of their names in one thousand two hundred word limits.

Today, my body was a TV’d massacre that had to fit into sound-bites and word limits and move those that are desensitized to terrorist blood.

But they felt sorry.

They felt sorry for the cattle over Gaza.

So, I give them UN resolutions and statistics and we condemn and we deplore and we reject.

And these are not two equal sides: occupier and occupied.

And a hundred dead, two hundred dead, and a thousand dead.

And between that, war crime and massacre, I vent out words and smile “not exotic”, “not terrorist”.

And I recount, I recount a hundred dead, a thousand dead.

Is anyone out there?

Will anyone listen?

I wish I could wail over their bodies.

I wish I could just run barefoot in every refugee camp and hold every child, cover their ears so they wouldn’t have to hear the sound of bombing for the rest of their life the way I do.

Today, my body was a TV’d massacre

And let me just tell you, there’s nothing your UN resolutions have ever done about this.

And no sound-bite, no sound-bite I come up with, no matter how good my English gets, no sound-bite, no sound-bite, no sound-bite, no sound-bite will bring them back to life.

No sound-bite will fix this.

We teach life, sir.

We teach life, sir.

We Palestinians wake up every morning to teach the rest of the world life, sir."

Tears down my cheek while I'm watching and listening to it.

I know that all of you have many and different opinion regarding to this issue. I wont be offended by that. But, let me talk about humanity. Does ending one's life without a proper reason is the right thing? Does it right to take over other people's possession without the owner's permission? If you have that sense of humanity, and yes I bet all human have that humanity.

Bye and take care. xoxo

One Day Ustajah

Assalamualaikum and hai

Macam mana nak eja nama ustazah ni? - Naqib
Amboi, bertuah nama dapat duk kat "NAMA GURU" tu haha

Today is a "being-called-ustazah" day. Haahahaha what a funny and unexpected experience today. Tak pasal-pasal kena jadi ustajah. 

The real story is,my lecturer was searching for facilitators for Kem Bestari Solat at SK Gambang last Wednesday I guess.Sk Gambang tu dekat je dengan cfs. So, I got that offer, and hmmm why not release stress melayan kanak-kanak yang comel. Then I decided to join as a facilitator together with about 30 others including one of my roommate, Fadzilah.

Teringat je, nak gelak pun hado. Honestly, I'm not good in handling kids especially with age 3 and above. Kalau infants or toddlers tu, ada lah sikit skil tu heh.

Okay, sampai,bahagi kumpulan and duduk kumpulan masing-masing. We, the facilitators supposed to explain, tanya-tanya and tasmik with them the things regarding to wudhu and solat. I got a group of 12 that in Darjah 2.

The thing is, budak-budak ni, subhanallah banyak cakap, banyak tanya, banyak kerenah. Too many question being asked sampai aku rasa emmm 

Bila dah start, cakap-cakap, then "Ustazah, bila kita nak tulis ni?" sambil semua bawak keluar buku tulis and buku teks.

Bila nak start boleh tulis, "Ustazah, kena selang ke?" "Ustazah,tulis mula belakang ke depan?" "Ustazah, tajuk apa ni?" "Ustazah, hari ni hari apa, berapa hari bulan?"

Bila tengah menulis, "Ustazah, yang ni kena tulis jugak ke?" sebab dah banyak menulis, dah bosan, *tadi mintak nak tulis sangat,amik ko haaa

Bila dah tanya pukul berapa rehat and balik, "Ustazah, dah pukul berapa?" pastu semua duk baca jam kat dalam kelas tu.

"Ustazah, bila nak gi surau ni, nak solat" in the middle of 12 tengah hari *ustajah geleng kepala*

Budak-budak tu dah la cenonet, banyak cakap pulak tu. Honestly, it was uncontrollable. Ustajah tengah cakap kat depan, tiba-tiba ada yang duk kejar-kejar kat belakang. Kawan jalan tepi kelas pun dia tegur. Tahap keaktifan tu tahap maksima. 

Then, belajar how to take wudhu, solat, niat solat, etc. Kalau yang dah pandai tu, nampak sangat muka boring tunggu kawan-kawan yang tengah nak belajar. 

group yang suka sangat nak tulis. semua benda mintak nak tulis.

cikgu, kenapa nak ambik gambar kita? - Haqimi (the only one that called me 'cikgu')

Soalan last diorang tanya,

"Ustazah, minggu depan ustazah datang lagi ke?" "Tak awak, ustazah datang hari ni je"

Lepas tu semua senyap...

Mumbling.

Assalamualaikum and haii all

A not-so-lucky week. Things just dont go well for me in these 2 weeks. Got fever and its package (flu, headache,sakit badan). Nasib baik tak batuk Alhamdulillah if not, I'll menyusahkan orang lain dengan dont-disturb-me-i-am-pissed-off-with-everything face.

And the things is, I've got may things have to be done last week and this week. Yesterday (Saturday) I had Biology test. Can you imagine how I struggled to study Biology with my terrible condition and sampai satu tahap rasa macam dah lupa apa yang dah baca haha sebab sakit kepala. On that day, I just tawakkal to Allah that semuanya akan berjalan lancar. Anndd the test was not too okay, pada akulah, it was really bad (insert nangis emoticon).

Next week will gonna be another tough week. I have Math quiz on Thursday which is I'm still blur with that analytic trigonometry things. And tomorrow I have to submit introduction draft for my research and I've been done nothing on it. Yet I still open my laptop and membebel kat sini, kan? Nampak tak kat situ. Have to submit tutorial on tomorrow morning and few other thing had to be done.

It's getting hotter right these day plus the sunstroke. mbSebab tu kena demam. My body cepat detect perubahan cuaca, I'll the first one that probably akan dapat penyakit since antibody lemah. It will be worse if I'm in the middle of stress. I'll be tanak bangun, tanak cakap dah macam ada depression.

Anyway, when I'm ill it is He who cures me. Sakit tu, Allah nak hapus dosa. Sedarlah bahawasanya dosa tu banyak. Why nak rasa serabut? just do apa yang termampu,insyaAllah Allah mudahkan. Takde motif membebel kat sini nak bagi tahu semua orang. But at least feel relieved laaa

Done with the mumbling. Pray for your and my good health. Amin. Bye

We will never know our destiny unless you are know what you are doing now.

Assalamualaikum and haiii


When you are in the situation being in depression.. Feel like everything dont go well.  

Check our hati. Our heart. Are we close enough to our Creator? Are our ibadah before and now is sufficient enough to get close to Him? Check balik because only we know how our heart is.

If we had been doing the ibadah, compulsory and sunnah but we still
rasa tak tenang,asyik stress and depressed je,rasa kosong je. Then,we should do something about it.

Maybe reciting the Quran 1 page a day is not enough. Maybe solat awal waktu is not enough,maybe time solat tu fikirkan assignment and homework. Maybe solat sunat hajat lepas maghrib not enough,maybe kena buat solat rawatib and solat malam. Maybe cover your aurah is not enough,maybe hati tu selalu je umpat orang jalan depan kita. Maybe after solat, tak sempat wirid doa dah blah,maybe you should take your time to wirid and dua to Him. Dua like you mean it. Maybe maybe maybe there is a lot of problem sampai tak tahu nak tulis apa.

Tak cakap kat orang. Cakap kat sendiri je.

For me,its okay bila you fikir you ni tak lah baik sangat. At least you sedar you ada kekurangan and you should do something to improve yourself. Changing is better when you do it sikit sikit dulu lama lama jadi elok. Keep trying to be a better person and insya Allah in the process, youll meet many people that show you how to be a good servant to your Creator. Effort tu yang penting. I will not regret as I try my best. Yang penting Dia tahu kita dah usaha. Berkat is the most important thing.


"Rugilah kalau tak jadi doktor"
"Asalkan berTUHAN, apa nak risau"

Im sorry ummi, abah.
Doakan achik.


Bye chuolls.. kiss and hug.

Bangun.

I guess I'm living in another dream.

O Allah, please wake me up.

So that I can live the dream that I'm supposed to.

Please, wake me up. Guide me. So that I'll never fall apart, like I was. So that I'll realize Your plan is the best.

Moga aku bangun dari tidurku yang melenakan.

The Chaser.

Today, i realised that this life is all about "kejar".

Student, kejar pointer.

Officer, kejar position.

Businessman, kejar untung.

Celebrities, kejar populariti.

Politician, kejar pengaruh.

Editor, kejar dateline.

Insta pemes kejar likes.

Tweet pemes kejar retweet.

Pencinta kejar jodohnya.

Orang kaya kejar harta.

A family, kejar bahagia.

Peminat, kejar crush.


Tapi, kenapa nak berkejar? Sedangkan pemilik masa adalah Dia. Keep calm and have faith in Him.

Aku? Nak kejar apa?
Insya Allah kejar mati je. #eh  Sebab nak kejar Jannah, kena sedia untuk mati.

Peace yaw. Assalamualaikum.

Baik

Once, cikgu Bio aku, Cikgu Romlah pernah cakap,

              "Kita kalau boleh mudahkan kerja orang, barulah orang lain mudahkan kerja kita"

That quote still melekat lagi kat kepala aku sampai aku bermastautin di bumi Gambang. And honestly, kat mana-mana je aku stay aku sentiasa ingat apa yang cikgu cakap especially bila kita buat kerja dengan orang.

I dont know but that phrase is like,stuck in my head. And I decided that will be my way of life. Naturally, bila buat kerja aku try untuk praktikkan. Bila ada program aku join, niat nak tolong apa yang patut walaupun aku punya skil ni tak seberapa. And aku still wondering whether it had already affected me or not. Tapi tak tau lah sama ada aku tak perasan. Tapi aku nekad untuk still wondering.

Sebab kita tak tahu bila kita tolong seseorang tu, its really mean a lot to his/her. Jangan refuse atau buat tak endah  bila orang mintak tolong kita. Mana tahu, kitalah yang Allah jadikan perantara untuk kabulkan doa seseorang. Subhanallah, untungnya dapat pahala lebih.

Tak salah kalau kita tolong orang even kita sendiri pun busy, diri kita pun tak tertolong. Aku yakin, kalau niat lillahitaala, Allah akan bantu kita. Tak mengapa jika kita korbankan masa kita, tenaga kita untuk mudahkan kerja orang lain. Tak payah risau, Allah akan tolong.

Malam ni. Appreciation Night untuk kami the pioneer, Al-Fateh kat bumi Gambang ni. Share gambar kat whatsapp family, angah cakap , "owwhhh okay. Patut pun lama tak hantar mesej, tak call, busy rupanya".
Ya Allah, sentap. Ni mesti ummi tanya angah, aku ada call ke tak.  2-3 minggu ni call sekali dua je ummi. Tak sempat, aku masuk bilik untuk tidur je, study untuk quiz and test buat yang termampu je. Tak melebih-lebih, aku tahu ramai lagi yang even lagi busy dari aku.

Setiap hari dalam hati teringat nak call ummi. Final dah nak dekat. And my grade setakat ni still insecure, tak menjamin apa-apa yang hebat. Nak mengadu kat ummi, nak mintak support dari ummi. Aku pun tak tau kenapa aku takdak masa untuk call ummi lebih kerap. Tersedar. Walaupun kelas penuh,pagi sampai petang, program itu ini aku still kena cari masa untuk ummi.

Moga Allah bantu aku. Bantu aku untuk kuat. Dan aku tahu aku perlu kuat.

Secretly.and.Humbly.

Assalamualaikum..

No Pain, No Gain

Assalamualaikum. Hello. Hi.

Rawwwwwrrr !! cr:tumlbr

There were times that you feel it's hard to live.
There were times that you feel everyone is not fair to you.
There were times that you have a big problem like a big stones is fall off on your head.
There were times that you feel something much heavy on your shoulder.
There were times that you feel like to go away from everyone and live on your own alone.
There were times that you feel you are still at the end back while others are keep running forward.
There were times that you think you cant reach your dream, seems it so far away from you.

Yeah, at times. I feel and think like that.

Dalam hidup ni adakalanya kita perlu menangis, agar kita sedar hidup ni bukan hanya untuk gembira dan ketawa. Adakalanya kita perlu ketawa agar kita tahu menghargai nilai setitis air mata. Kalau kita tidak merasa kesulitan hari ini, kita tidak akan merasa kemanisan di kemudian hari.
Tidak salah untuk sesekali kita perlu DERITA untuk mengenal erti BAHAGIA. Sesekali kita perlu KECEWA untuk kita kenal erti KEJAYAAN. Sesekali kita perlu MENANGIS untuk kita syukuri NIKMAT yang diberi. Sesekali kita perlu TERHIRIS untuk kita kenal DIRI SENDIRI  - penmerahshoppe;ig

Deep.
I'm thinking that it was hard to me to let myself hurt. Sebab aku takut susah, aku takut sakit,aku takut bila ada masalah. I think the hardship,problem will get me down. But I realize that sometime we have to feel the pain in order the gain something worth. Takdak maknnya kejayaan tu tanpa sakit dan pedih,betul tak?Yeah, it totally right, NO PAIN, NO GAIN. If I want to get what I want, I must go for it.  No half-work. Seem that my effort selama ni still tak cukup untuk bawak aku jumpa impian aku. Honestly, aku memang akui itu.

Kadang-kadang kita kena terhiris untuk kita kenal diri kita. Baru kita sedar,itu adalah alarm clock kita untuk berubah. Hidup, kalau takdak perubahan, means that you got nothing with your life. Your life is meaningless. Its okay to hurt sometimes, because from the pain, you will know who you are, what is the world is all about, who you are from other's perspective. Kadang-kadang kita perlu orang lain untuk tahu siapa kita. Sebab kita rasa kita dah cukup baik,sempurna but reality is completely different. Sebab itu yang kita rasa, not the true action. Terasa bila terima teguran tu totally great, its mean that hati kita tu masih lembut untuk diubah, buktinya kita ttersentap bila ada orang tegur kesalahan kita. Bayangkan kalau kita tak kisah pun apa orang cakap,tegur, seem that hati tu dah keras untuk menerima sesuatu yang baru.

Hari-hari aku tengok orang yang berjaya dalam hidup mereka. And honestly, I'm very jealous of them. They got great family, great achievement in study, nice job, great life and I see that everything going smooth in their life. Always wonder whether I can be like em or not. Hmmmm

So, I decided that my revolution for this year is

NO PAIN,NO GAIN. If you want it, take it to fullest. Feel the pain, you will gain the victory. Non-stop, keep accelerate. 

cr:tumblr

Peace yo ! Assalamualaikum.

Piccolo pun Jadi Lah...

Weekend start on Friday, laying lazily on bed on Saturday, going out on Sunday. And class again on Monday *sigh* class... *sigh* Want to know why I sigh that much? Hahaha

Hari ni, kelas Practical Biology. Dan experiment hari ni adalah we are going to observe, observe, observe and examine slides of tissue. Kenapa banyak sangat observe tu? Because there are 16 slides of human and plant tissues that we had to observe, observe and observe over again. Yeah, enam belas selaid okkkayy and I was urghh poning kopalo den mengadap microscopes tu. And part yang paling aku tanak kawan adalah kitaorang kena lukis slide-slide tersebut. Yaaa, not all 16 but 7 only. Tujuh jerr pun, over bebeno mak cik ni.

Tapi tapi tapi, hakikat realiti yang aku tak tipu nya adalah drawing is toooo mainstream to me. Seriously, aku memang fail bab melukis ni. Bayangkan tujuh slides tisu-tisu tu aku kena lukis. Arghhh Im dying. Tanak tanak tanak ! Im a kind of clumsy and even my handwriting pun boleh kawan dengan ayam tengah cakar tanah haha. Apatah lagi nak melukis, skill tu mak aih kalau student art or architecture tengok geleng kepala tak habis. Even roommate aku pun gelak tengok lukisan aku. They were damn bad seriously.

Tapi ada jugak inisiatif nak practice but dah banyak trial aku buat, still damage haha. Agak-agaknya, kena masuk kelas belajar skill macam mana nak buat tangan aku lembut nanti lukisan jadi soft. And practice aku punya fokus tuh. Yeah, aku admit yang tangan ni keras semacam je haha buat line pun ketak-ketak je line tu aku tengok. And takleh fokus lama-lama nanti aku boring Haha. Because be a good biology student, pandai melukis is a must. My opinion laaa tambah kalau ambil laboratory subjek. Sebab korang akan lukis benda living things especially cells and tissues and many micro living things. But, part ni lah yang aku lemah sekali. Lain yang aku tengok kat slide, lain yang jadi bila aku lukis Haha.

So, ni nak kena keep trying and trying again or not my mark will be fly awayyyyyy. Haha. My Madam also cakap, buat leklok lukisan tu, if not, I have to give zero for your drawing. *sigh*

Errrr, ada orang nak tolong tak aku lukis slide slide ni semua? Bolehhhh takkk? *muka mintak simpati*

Yang ni seriously lupa apa nam dia Hahaha sorry

Tendon. Yang ni dah kali keberapa aku lukis still tak jadi wave dia tuh huh

This is the most beautiful for me. Areolar tissue.

This is Adipose tissue. Yeaa, a-di-po-se . sebut ikut ejaan dia yeee

Ephiteleum tissue in kidney tubule

Nervous tissue. Yang ni still buat aku nervous haha sebab tak tau nak lukis cemana. Arghhh tolonggg

6 of them. Satu lagi tak sempat amik gambar. Hehe. Bajet ambik gambar sebab aku tahu yang takkan siap punya semua lukisan tu dua jam dalam makmal Haha.

Aku rasa aku kena beli satu buku anatomy and practice to draw each of the diagram in the book. Practice make s perfect right? Malu jugak den kat classmate yang melukis woww sooo damn beautiful and neat *jeles jeles*

Wish to be Picasso but eventually jadi Piccolo. Hahaha Nasib nasibb

Hensem nya Piccolo nih, hijau kottt Wakaka

Assalamualaikum...

The Journey, Still Continuing....

Assalamualaikum. Moshi moshi semua..

Still, if you doubt with yourself, have faith with Allh. Couse He will guide you to the right path 

Dua Tiga hari sebelum balik sini dah fikir apa yang nak ditulis kat blog ni. haa nampak tu niat nak update dah ada. Tapi hmmm still saat ni pun tengah poning memerah hotak nak tulis pasal apa. Sebelum balik sini? That's means my beloved CFS lerr.(we prefer to use CFS instead of UIA because its Centre for Foundation studies, not for the degrees, here in PJ is differents from the Gombak one) get it guys? hehe

So, yaa Im already here now. Had first class today. Rasa kejap je duk kat rumah 3 minggu then datang sini balik *sigh*. Yeah new semester already. Means that result for Semester 1 is already been annouced. Ahha result? grade? GPA? hmm Alhamdulillah oke laa *sengih* The result was abit unexpected,but thank Allah, its going out well. hmm apa lagi yang nak dibebel eh? Ohh my English Placement Test and Arabic Placement Test result also. Alhamdulillah, tak de repeat fail segala. Dah tak payah belajar English and Arabic anymore.

But seriously, miss to learn Arabic so much sebab aku enjoy sangat-sangat time belajar Arab. Ustazah and Ustaz were so nice and fun. Belajar Arab kat sini seriously teringat time zaman Form 1- 3 belajar Arab yang sangat best. Ehuhuu rindu la pulak *nanges jap*. So did English. It was damn fun and awesome. Macam-macam benda baru aku buat haha bila teringat tu, ish betul ke aku buat benda-benda tu semua? sumpah aku tak percaya. Social skill aku pun improve through English ni ahaa. Tapi kalau boleh dah tanak belajar English haha jahat tak? Bukan ape, honestly, it was tough, stressful and  hectic.

And now, get ready for Semester 2. Bersedia untuk mengadap Chemistry Lab and Biology Lab hari-hari. And Im sure it'll be errr boring ahhaa. Since the subjects that Ill be taking this semester are Chemistry Practical and Biology Practical only. So, hari-hari pergi lab, buat eksperimen, then siapkan report. Tak busy sangat tapi yang pasti akan buat aku lagi laidback kat dalam bilik ni. Makan, tidur, pergi kelas. Tu je..And hari-hari jeles dengan kengkawan yang still cuti 3 bulan tu, untunglah korang, takde short sem huihh.

Get new room at new block,old roommates, old classmates and new classmates. and for sure, new experience. Tak sabar, tak sabar, tak sabar.

Dah dah dah. Dah tanak merapu panjang-panjang nanti annoying pulak. Dan maaf aku tulis campur-campur English dan Melayu. Dah tak boleh nak elak sebab aku main taip je apa yang ada dalam kepala. Its how I think, campur-campur. Sorry lah kalau pening *gomen*. Well, Malaysia kan terdiri daripada bangsa dan bahasa yang pelbagai haha.

Now, craving for a cup of cappucino and a piece of marvelous cake :B

Sampai sini, assalamualaikum, bye korang...

Wonder How This Will End. One Fine Day..

Assalamualaikum and hi alls.

Allah pertemukan kita dengan orang yang lebih baik,supaya kita fikir bukan kita je yang hebat, Dia tak bagi kita riak. Allah pertemukan kita dengan orang yang ada kekurangan berbanding dengan kita,supaya kita fikir bukan kita je yang ada masalah,still ada lagi yang diuji lebih berat daripada kita.
Dia tentukan begitu sebab nak suruh kita bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada.. Alhamdulillah. Berhenti mengeluh. Teruskan perjuangan.

Ittew tak tau tapi ittew sangat stress sekarang. Nak exam physic acano ni. Ahaa nampak menggedik je kerja. Masalahnya aku dah jadi macam zombie dah ni. Aku tahu orang lain pun stress tapi aku pun stress haha. Saje nak luahkan. Ni kan belog ittew,suka hati perasaan ittew lerr. Nak nangis pun hado. Ummi, ore stressss !!!! Huwaaa.
P/s final physic sabtu ni doakan saya semua ahhhh takuttttt Rabbi yassir wala tuassir

Sorry title tak parallel dengan isi. Haaahaa suka hati letak title lain,tulis lain hemmm Study week pun menyempat nk update belog haaha bye uolls. Assalamualaikum..

The Night is Still Alive and Young, So do the Memories

Saturday.10.35 am. Lying on the bed. Eh nope, I'm not sleeping okay but just lying. you know,lying. errrr With the laptop, in front of me. While I'm doing some pieces of writing to make sure my blog is updated after two month. College Physic book is lying beside me, closed since this early morning and I dont know when I'll open the book again. ahhh

Assalamualaikum and hi all. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
That lines. I was supposed to publish this entry on last weekend but.. you know,its always happen that those idea was just runaway from my brain haha. See,some excuses from me. So  lazy mah to think what to write. Then,end up with 5 lines jakk haha *mak ai tengok tu,multilanguage segala*

Takpe takpe malam ni nak sambung entri tu yang tertangguh.

It shows already 12.26 am. And still cant sleep. Blames on the caffeine haha. Sape suruh minum Nescafe memalam buta nih,kan dah kena padahnya, Jadi pandalah aku malam ni. Still lying on bed, pressing the keyboard that produce clicking sound whenever I press any letter *a little bit noisy* , College Physic book on the side *yes,still* closed *again* anddd it'll be test tomorrow ! Nope, not tomorrow but about 10 hours more on countdown. Actually, want to take a five minutes rest but it had been an hour O.o Seriously, procrastination had lead me to be like this, be an owl with panda eyes whenever there'll be test or quiz the next day. Kinda dont like it but have to,but end up with blogging or scrolling the Twitter's timeline. LOL sound like critical and serious problem of me right haha.

One of my roommate said, "Procrastination is the time's killer" whenever she seeing me laid back, doing nothing haha. Seems she understand my serious illness and thanks to her, I always reminded to not to delay my assignment Alhamdulillah. But still not fully recovered as you can see my situation right now kahkahkah *amboi mak cik,sopannya gelak*

Feeling the pressure now, as the end of semester just few weeks more so as the final exam. I tend not to think about it because I still feel to laugh and enjoy my days without stress but still taking note that I have to be ready for the final. Yet, you have to have fun, I really mean it guys. No matter whatever assignment, quiz, test, project, report that have to be done and the dateline always really insane, but have fun doing it. Put the sincerity and think positively. Memang lah kadang-kadang memang susah, aku pun rasa macam nak telan je assignment project bagai tu haha nak migrain, headache hari-hari dibuatnye but still trying to keep calm. He's always there for us guys *senyum sikit*

Kisah sebenarnya, minggu ni memang stress. English Speaking Test, Physic Test, ICT quiz, program's proposal need to be submitted,assignments of course berlambak. Tapi Alhamdulillah, still dapat gelak sakan dengan rommates  and classmates. And dipermudahkan urusan oleh-Nya. Tittew sukeee sukiii sangat-sangat ;p And yang lebih awesome lagi, I'm really really grateful that the ukhuwah still strong between me and my friends, to be exact my high school friends *Saen jak kecik lagi* LOL copy siket orang lain punye ayat. Get call from them, messanges, wechat and whatsapp. Ya Allah, thank you korang sebab ingat saya lagi. Seriously, memang bahagia sangat dapat borak-borak, chatting and automatically teringat zaman muda-muda dulu,moment-moment bersama-sama. And saya sangat rindukan awok-awok semua huhu emo.sedih. Because most of them had been my classmates for the my entire five years of high school. From Form 1 to Form 5. Of course cikgu-cikgu lagilah saya rinduuu. haaaa nak nanges euheuheu

#throwback Last day of SPM. semua muka bahagia tersangat-sangat. #rindu

The Great Alphanian. dulu annoying, sekarang rindu haha . kadang-kadang je annoying tuu :p

Keep Dreaming and Running On

Assalamualaikum and Hi all.

Dah lebih sebulan aku stay kat sini. Sebulan lebih sikit-sikit je tau, jangan over okay. Sekarang baru nak excited update pasal life kat sini. Dah lame ok. errr. Ada aku kesahh ? Asalkan aku dapat menaip untuk lepaskan stress aku ni, aku tak kisah.

Haha. Im still the same person you saw and knew me in the past. Im the one who was and still crazy, introvert, skema, quiet, cool and and and pape je lah yang korang tengah fikirkan sekarang nih. Maybe kalau ada improvement tu, Alhamdulillah heee.

Living my life here not easy but not too hard. Kat sinilah aku struggling in my study. This semester is tough but Im sure other semesters will be tough too. But I guess this semester more challenging because of new environment. Susah nak adapt diri aku kat sini, mak long lah budak jakun first time duduk hostel.  Mostly, kat sini ex-MRSM,ex-SBP,ex-Maahad and sekolah-sekolah berasrama penuh and berprestasi tinggi. Scary doe. Haha

Here I face many things, those exciting and unexpecting moments. Macam-macam aku lalui. Got the lowest marks in quizzes, my English writing was the worst ever, my presentation was damn, struggling to understand physics like I'd always was during my high school. And it continues here which I dont know why, maybe I dont have any chemistry with physics LOL, have to do paperworks and proposal for programs. Some times it hurts, some times it nices. Not every days run smoothly, ye lah kan, ada hari yang awesome, ada hari yang.. ahh. memang stress gila kot. But Alhamdulillah, I still can manage them all. And keep the cool and blank face on my face LOL

Keep calm and nomnomnomnom

But I'll never forgot that I'd so many awesome time here. Here, I got to fulfill my wishlist sebelum aku masuk sini *cett,wishlist segala bagai mak cik ni* Di sinilah aku boleh ber-society, speak my mind out, join banyak-banyak event sampaikan aku tak sempat pun pergi semua program tuh. Bajet je join banyak-banyak. Kelas pun penuh siang malam, mana nak sempat Haha. Got awesome roommates,  really ambitious and great classmates, nice lecturers, admirable and respected seniors. My staying here make me feel really humble. Rasa kecik je berbanding dengan orang-orang awesome ini semua. Rendah hati terasa..

I know maybe some things are not suitable to speak out. Tapi aku sengaja tulis and share my experience supaya aku ingat sampai bila-bila. Especially those stupid and not appropriate things that I did. Aku nak aku ingat yang aku pernah lakukan kesalahan tu, so get up, reflect and do better in future. Thats it. Tak berniat apa-apa pun.

Hmmm apa lagi ek nak tulis? Totally out of idea now. Life as a foundation student here, in CFSIIUM is not easy but tough. Although this is not the very first choice of mine, I know He's the best planner to me. I hope that I'll keep smiling and calm eventhough I had to go through the pain. In shaa Allah.

Life is Just 3 Cs : You must take a CHOICE to take a CHANCE or your life will never CHANGE

Nexy week, Physic Test is coming. Seriously takutttt :( Tapi wat lek wat peace update blog. Do pray for my test, bukan sebarang test, ala ala midsem exam gitu euheuheu. Moga Allah permudahkan urusan aku di sini. Amin.

Asslamualikum and Bye uolls.

Ramadhan Kareem

Assalamualaikum and Hi all.

Seriously, dah lama tak menaip panjang nih. Rindu gila sampai hati ni meronta-ronta "weh,aku nak update blog, ake geram sangat sangat nak menaip". This situation happen mostly bila aku stress yang amat haha.
And then, now Im back with this ! sort of awful writing, and not so good.

Dah, back to the topic. Ramadhan datang lagi... Hari ni dah 8 hari kita puasa. Actually, bajet nak update entry ni pada hari kesepuluh but then,aku rasa macam dah tak boleh kalau aku tunggu lama-lama, makin stress jadinya. Just wanna say, Salam Ramadhan semua ! and hiasilah dan sempurnakanlah Ramadhan dengan sebaiknya.

Ramadhan ni, aku belajar banyak perkara baru, yang pastinya baik untuk aku. Aku yakin dengan perancangan-Nya. Walaupun baru 8 hari, but honestly and seriously banyak benda yang aku baru tahu dan aku mula belajar kat sini. Tapi Alhamdulillah, its getting better from the first day until today and aku harap aku akan istiqamah mempraktikkan apa yang aku belajar kat sini. And actually, its a fun thing to do bila kita rasa barakah tu contohnya bila kita buat tadarus, terawih, qiam and even solat dhuha and so on. Walaupun letih dengan kelas dan assignment yang berlambak tuh, but did you know that actually solat is the therapy for us to get back our spirit and energy after working so hard all day? Nantilah kita share dalam entry lain.

Although banyak sangat benda baru aku jumpa kat sini, aku try to adapt to them and always giving my best into each of them. Walaupun kadang-kadang rasa macam tak nak buat. Memanglah kalau kita nak buat sesuatu yang kita tak biasa buat, susah kalau kita takde keikhlasan dalam hati kita, Tapi percayalah, keikhlasan itu kadang-kadang datang dari keterpaksaan. Mula-mula terpaksa tapi suatu hari nanti, kita akan biasa dengan perkara tu dan kita akan suka setiap kali kita buat benda tu. It takes time but its really worth it, I really mean the word "worth it". The patience,also, is most important. Allah nak uji kesabaran kita.InsyaAllah, Allah akan sentiasa tolong kita. Ini bukan just dalam beribadat je tau, dalam semua aspek pun boleh jadi, dalam kita study, dalam kita buat daily routine kita and maybe dalam behave kita. Just try it first,as long as the thing that you want to try is the good one,not the bad one.

Bulan puasa ni, banyak sangat keistimewaannya seperti yang kita tahu,dengan ganjaran pahalanya, amalan-amalannya, Lailatul Qadar nya dan banyaklah lagi. Cuma tunggu kita bertindak je untuk mendapatkan keistimewaannya tu. Subhannallah, sangat menakjubkan bila kita rasa keistimewaan tu semua. And Ramadhan ini jugalah bulan untuk kita ambil kesempatan untuk berubah manjadi yang lebih baik lagi. Yang penting mesti istiqamah walaupun Ramadhan dah habis. hehe .

Salam Ramadhan Kareem semua !
p/s : Bila kita disapa dengan Salam Ramadhan Kareem, jawablah dengan "Allahu Akram". Sesungguhnya Ramadhan itu mulia, tapi yang lebih mulia lagi adalah Allah. Allahualam.

Assalamualaikum and Bye.

p/s : mohon maaf kalau ayat berterabur bagai tak lulus SPM haha, terlalu excited menaip sampai tak sedar.

Keep Fighting Darl.

I dont know whether Im being hypocrite or not right now, but

          

Im sure that Allah is the best planner. Keep calm and have faith in Allah.

"Diwajibkan ke atas kamu berperang, padahal berperang itu adalah sesuatu yang kamu benci. Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" Surah al-Baqarah, Ayat 216

And topik hangat bila bestfriends call aku, "Meni,bahagio ko dok duk sano?" and aku jawab, "Bahagiooooo sangat" pastu dorang mesti gelak muahahaha. Apakah motipnya? sila jawab :p