It's my fault by the way.

Today, I realized that we could not trust everyone easily. Before taking any action, I must think wisely what the consequences when I decided to take that action. I was fool enough to make myself to be taken for granted. I was stupid enough to just do the work that assigned to me even though I was not supposed to do that work. I knew that was wrong but I didnt voice it out, just kept it inside me and hope that others will understand my situation. Then, I realized that others will not know what actually is happening until you tell them about it. So, that was my fault who believe that human will understand each other just by their instinct. But no. Every single things need to be voiced out, explained in a best way in order to others to understand. Because humans are busying to understand themselves until they had no chance to understand others.

Then, eventually, I failed to do the works that assigned to me. And it ruined everyone that involve in the work. That was my fault. For being such an irrational person. Like. Ever. So, in the next time, express your feeling and opinion well Amni.

It is destined to you

These days, keep telling myself,

"You have to accept what is happening to you now. Please accept it as Allah has destined it to happen. Nothing can change it. The only thing that you can change is the future. There are two things about the past, whether you run from it or you learn from it. Get over the past and move on. And build new dream. I know that your heart stumble upon thinking about it. But please, keep strong. Pray for your heart to be strong. Get ready to answer those upcoming questions. Brace yourself. Pray to your God,pray to Allah that He may give you the utmost strength to cope with this. I know your mind is saying,its okay,I can get through this. But your heart still not completely recover yet. "

Kalah.

Kalah.

Aku kalah dengan dunia. Aku kalah untuk fight back high expectation orang lain terhadap aku. Aku gagal to kuatkan diri aku untuk ignore that expectation. I was not wise enough to handle that high expectation. I failed to look on their faces and say,"I am sorry that I cannot meet your expectation because I am also a normal human being". And now, I fell. I fell down to the extent that my future on the verge. I, maybe have to give up my dream. I fell down to the extent I hurt so much from it. I fell down to the extent that I claim that world is being cruel to me. Everything that I want, didnt go to the right way that I want. I questioned. I wailed. I cried out loud. I'm not in my right mind.

And what left for me? Just me. Myself. Nothing other than me. No one know my failed fight. No one know my defeat. No one know my suffering. I am crying inside of me. Crying. Crying. Crying every second when I am reminded of my failure. Too many questions that are made in my mind. Made by myself. Question me why those thing happen to me. Eventually, I'm end up with dead end.

And now I'm searching for something to stand on my feet after the fall. Searching something that can lend me a hope. A hope that can take my hand and stand. A hope that will say, everything has the reason to happen. I'm searching for something that can wake me up. I'm searching for the answers to my questions. Come to me. Help me.

And I pray that one day, I will found it. And I know I have to believe on it. I know it can help me. I know it have those answers. I know. I know that I can wake up with it. I know I can pick up my mess through it. I know. and I believe on it.

And just one thing that I want from you. Just pray for me. Pray for me so that it will well for me. For that, I thank you.


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p/s: nothing need to be assumed from it. just self-thinking bila blank tak dapat buat tuto math. chill la bro.