The One when I Just Being Myself

I learned that I'm sucks in sharing my problem and complains to other people. 

People told me, often, that I'm rarely share my problem to other people. "Do you ever have problems or difficulties in your life?" Sounds like this, their words to me. Haha. Mannn, I'm a human being too, just like you. Of course there are times when I'm upset, annoyyed, nak marah orang, rasa macam nak flip the table. But mostly I failed to express it or talk about it. Because.... emmm , I just dont know why. I forgot about it, orrr wait, I keep on forgetting the things in the past. Am I having short-term memory problem? Ermmm

This is I want to tell you. From my perspective, yaa I do admit that I often forgot things, even I forgot what I felt. The true thing is, I totally easily get distracted. By anything. Contoh, tengah serabut stress annoyed with something sorang-sorang. Then, came my friend buat lawak share something funny huha huha gelak. At that time, terus lupa about the things that troubled me earlier. Thats it.  Mudah terhibur,you can say.  Malam sebelumnya, some of my classmate really annoyed me, feel like nak cepukk je each of them. But the day after, aku gelak jugak diorang buat lawak dalam kelas. Having problems tu wajib, we are humans. But I tend not to -share with others, mostly. Not because I dont trust them, but I dont feel like to share. Kadang-kadang bendanya too personal, maybe between me and Him only. But things that needed to be shared, of course I will share with my close friend and family. And being as the center of attention is totally not my thing. People giving their attention to me? Oh noo, its feeling weird, I will be, extremely maluu and say, "no need to do this to me!" I'm sorry,that introvert thing is going strong haha.

And I am totally fine being like this. Penat doe nak rasa sakit hati marah-marah orang. Handling problems according to your emotion, you will end up penat, physically and mentally. Having a positive mind is a bless I can say. Because everyone has their own reason,on why they are doing something. Tak berkenan, try being in his or her shoes. Trying to be empathy but not too much. Being too kind can also harm you. People tend to take advantage on you. Be kind and firm.

Some people are having trouble when dealing with me. While I'm just being myself there hehe. Should I be sorry for being myself? err. 

I learned that you cant wait people to go to you and ask, "Are you okay?" . Everyone is busy with their own life thus they obviously cant make their time to take care of your problem and emotion. So, things need to be done, have to be done. 

People also say I am cool. Oh mannn. Weaaalyyy?? Meh sini, *hugs*

how are you girls?

1:30 AM

The midnight. I would feel most motivated during this time. When the silence come and all I can feel is the cold wind enter my room from my opened window. This is the time that I always generate ideas to write and philosophizing. Or maybe planning for my future kahkah.

This is also the time when I miss those who were,still and will be forever dearest to me.

My girlfriends.

I would be sighing and regretting. Scolding myself that I have been abandoning them. I rarely catching up with them since I started my university life. Well, everyone experiences this. After graduating high school, everyone is going to different path, pursuing own's dream. And we got rarely talk to each other. The only time that we 'bising-bising' only in special occasion. New Year, someone's birthday, the Eids. Everyone is busy with their own life. It cant be avoid as we are doing different things now. Gathering also could be hard. It is hardly to have the same holiday time because everyone is staying at different places.

Time midnight like this lah buat aku teringat kat mereka-mereka. Are they still remember me as their friend? Are they still remember the things that we did together? All those crazy things that we have done. How I miss them.

Wondering how they are doing right now. Are they doing alright now? They must be happy now. Kalau ada masalah, for sure, they will have someone to lean on. They will have their happy days. Enjoying their lives as much as they can. It is just me that always looking back at the old time.

Not a disappointment. Not a betrayal that I feel. But a real happiness from deep inside my heart.

And how I feel bad because I rarely contact the girls. Selalu lupa semua orang punya birthday, then terlepas that moment. Time ni lah yang aku nak marah kat diri sendiri.

I wish they dont read this muahaha. xoxo

9 years and counting. 10 years and counting.